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~Saekhor

Chaotica Angelicus
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Ever Since...

Tue Apr 8, 2008, 1:39 PM
  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: My Thoughts Leaving...
  • Reading: My Research On Spirituality...
  • Watching: My Body Twitch From Stress...
  • Playing: Death...
  • Eating: ...
  • Drinking: Anything That Helps...
*sigh*..I suppose I should tell you all this..urgh..

Right..I have been having nightmares which are dreams to me, but these ones I actually believe are real, they keep reminding me of my past..a past I'd rather not come back too..I do not wish to talk about it but He is making me do it, He's taking over til the moment comes to let me have it back..

Each night, the past hits me so hard..it just..just hurts, when I was Him, when I was His body, His host, when my anger and rage was the supreme emotion in my mind, when all I heard was screams fly through my head..the past is a horrible being..why can't it just leave me be..why? WHY?!

All my dreams end in me screaming my way out of my sleep, but the weird thing is that I laugh right after it, whats happening to me? Someone help..He's going to take control again and I don't think He is going to let go of me..I might..I might..*sigh*..hurt someone I hold very close or just go bezerk, I need help I know..but whenever I come up with the idea to go to someone who specializes in the topic, I just don't go..I near enough totally ignore the help..but it isn't me!
*nearly cries*..dammit, why is my past haunting me again and again, why does it make me do things I wouldn't normally do..I nearly hit my work experience supervisor today..I don't know what worse things I will do..I can't hold..I will not hold..what am I typing..please stop..please!

I'm so sorry for typing this up..I really am..I can't take control once He has..once He has, I may go silent, my own mind being blocked off from my senses..please..help me..I can't hold the dreams anymore..I can't hold my actions anymore..I will soon lose my entire body!

I'm so very sorry..my mind is being crumbled, my citadel of my very psychi is falling to pieces..I need someone..someone to keep me from falling..please!

:iconlostvampiress:
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
:rose: x 1,000,000,000
:heart: x 1,000,000,000
:kiss: x infinity!

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Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy


I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me


I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy


I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me



Goddddddd!!!!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery



I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me

Given Up --- Linkin Park

66 Comments

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 2 2 neutral 0 0

Hidden by Owner
~Ice-Blade:iconIce-Blade: Apr 8, 2008, 2:40:58 PM
Hahaha, Poor Raven, poor little Raven ahy. Its taking over, again it bleeds darkness into your very being.
Like a infection, a virus. You can suppress it but it never leaves. And some how, You like it!
Theres one way to stop it Nicholas. No not repentances, Death. It will seperate your souls. Of course, the sacrifice is needed. Is it worth it? Leaving Sana alone, while she is so hurt. Heh, but if you let it spread you'll end up doing something worst won't you now.
*smiles* You don't have much choice now do you?
Oh but yes of course there are other options, not as effective and of course you'll both will still be hunted down. Slaughted, torchered, broken and burned. Heh heh, shame really selling you'r soul like that. Poor Stevie has no choice.
*sigh* to much fun.

--
castigat ridendo mores
One corrects customs by laughing at them

legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
We are slaves of the law in order that we may be able to be free.
Hidden by Owner
~Saekhor:iconSaekhor: Apr 8, 2008, 2:42:42 PM
*smiles*..quit pleasuring yourself..

--
Left Behind A Life Of Shame, Immortal I Was And Immortal I Shall Remain.
Hidden by Owner
~Ice-Blade:iconIce-Blade: Apr 8, 2008, 2:47:57 PM
Nah, I think i'll just laugh a bit more. But really. I could help, a simple spell. One to kill one soul. I wrote it for someone else, someone that had an intent to kill Heh to kill Thorn. It was a while ago, didn't work, he was to weak to wield it.

--
castigat ridendo mores
One corrects customs by laughing at them

legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
We are slaves of the law in order that we may be able to be free.
Hidden by Owner
~Saekhor:iconSaekhor: Apr 8, 2008, 2:49:44 PM
*shrugs*..I'm not going for your sorcery..I know of it and it was worthless..I had to teach you..*smirks*..and I can easily make it backfire..

--
Left Behind A Life Of Shame, Immortal I Was And Immortal I Shall Remain.
Hidden by Owner
~Ice-Blade:iconIce-Blade: Apr 8, 2008, 2:50:41 PM
Heh that spell was written years before I knew you. Your just to scared because you like it. You like being used and maniuplated

--
castigat ridendo mores
One corrects customs by laughing at them

legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
We are slaves of the law in order that we may be able to be free.
Hidden by Owner
~Saekhor:iconSaekhor: Apr 8, 2008, 2:51:25 PM
Of course I do..thats how Chaos works little one..

Oh fuck off Saekhor!

--
Left Behind A Life Of Shame, Immortal I Was And Immortal I Shall Remain.
Hidden by Owner
~Ice-Blade:iconIce-Blade: Apr 8, 2008, 2:53:38 PM
*smirks* Well Nick, I have my offer on the table. You'll die ether way. Ether I kill you or he will.

--
castigat ridendo mores
One corrects customs by laughing at them

legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
We are slaves of the law in order that we may be able to be free.
Hidden by Owner
~Saekhor:iconSaekhor: Apr 8, 2008, 2:54:48 PM
You leave myself out of this..you want to get him..go fucking right ahead!!!

Because all I wanted was a fucking peaceful life and then I met you!!! Sure I ended your 'life'...you totally obliterated mine!!

--
Left Behind A Life Of Shame, Immortal I Was And Immortal I Shall Remain.
Hidden by Owner
~Ice-Blade:iconIce-Blade: Apr 8, 2008, 2:56:41 PM
Oh I still have my life. Yeah so i'm not as trusted I dont blame them wasn't the first time I did something stupid like that. So meh.

--
castigat ridendo mores
One corrects customs by laughing at them

legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
We are slaves of the law in order that we may be able to be free.
Hidden by Owner
~Saekhor:iconSaekhor: Apr 8, 2008, 2:58:21 PM
Everything you do is untrustworthy and stupid..

-You were born..
-You met Thorn..
-You became a Seraphim..
-You met me..
-You fell to Chaos..
-You want to let Denzaithioan out!

--
Left Behind A Life Of Shame, Immortal I Was And Immortal I Shall Remain.
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